A Malay Wedding in Batu Pahat

This wedding reception is hosted by Pak Raden's family. He is the husband of my husband's aunty and it is his niece that got married. I know it's complicted but for the Malays it is custom and polite to invite everyone you know and everyone you might be related to the wedding. Well if it's good news you must let the world know . I remembered having almost 1000 guests at my wedding and the challenge is remembering who is who. Unlike western weddings where invitees are limited to just close friends and family , a Malay wedding will have a super extended and excessive guest list . It cost a bomb too , that's why i was super broke after i got married :).

Us at the wedding held at the town's community hall.

If you've not been to a Malay wedding , let me give you a brief introduction.

1. The main event is the akad nikah ( solemnisation)
-equavalent to the Western "i do" ceremony i think. This is where both bride and groom signs the formal documents. The Tok kadi will also read the rights of the bride and will emphasise the responsibility of the husband to the wife also known as taklik. This is also where the bride's father officially send away his daughter to her now legal husband. She is now under his responsibility to protect, house,clothed and love.

To me this is the most important proccess in a marriage , it was emotional too . I was crying when i had to sign the documents, knowing now that i am entering a new phase in my life, i even thought of running away , cause i suddenly felt the pressure, a responsibility of a wife and then a mother . Ha ha that 's what i felt then ,now i am embracing my role as a wife and trully enjoying my motherhood. Ok, marriage life is a whole new chapter and worthy of it's own blog entry and i can blog a whole lengthy entry on it , but for now i'll proceed with the explanation of what a Malay wedding is all about.

2. The reception. There will normally be 2 receptions one on the girl's side and the other is on the man's side.
- can be done either during the day or night
- can be do done in a hotel, hall or at home depending on budget
- usually the girl will host the first reception because the girl normally host the solemnisation
event , thus it is convinient for her family to organise a reception on the same day or next day.
- The man side will then host his reception the weekend after.

3. Concept - "Sit down" or "come and go"
Sitdown
- limited number of guests
- very important for guests to rsvp
- a set of itinerary will normally be prepared by the host, ie speeches,tepung tawar, slide show, singing, video and cake cutting.
- the guest's attention are contained because they are normally required to adhere to the arrival and end time . Thus the guests are required to arrive before the bride and groom and
take their seat , just like watching the opera or theater.

Come and go
- As many guest as you want to invite, just make sure you cater enough food.
- guests have the flexibility to attend according to their time as long as they arrive withn the stipulated timing , usually 12pm to 5pm.
- guest's attention not contained , and because they have the flexibility of time they might miss the tepung tawar , the cake cutting and not pay attention to the speeches.

So, it really depends on what you or in many cases , what your parents wants.

This wedding that we attended is the Come and Go concept , it worked out well for us, travelling from KL to Batu Pahat on that day itself, this concept eliminates the pressure to arrive on time.

The hall is usually nicely decorated and it is common to find a Pelamin set up on stage for the bride and groom to sit , this is also where the Merenjis or Tepung Tawar ritual is performed.

What is Merenjis or Tepung Tawar you may asked? sorry i can't find the english equivalent
to it, cause i don't think there's any, it is a ritual exclusively performed in Malay weddings.

A ritual performed to gain blessings from the elderly. The eldest in the family, usually the grand parents and parents of the bride and groom takes turn to go on stage and bless them.

They will sprinkle rose water, rice and thinly sliced daun pandan and flowers.They will be given bunga telur ( decorated boiled egg) as a token of aprreciation after. The boiled egg symbolises fertility.

After that , the bride and groom wil be requested by the Master of Ceremony to perform the cake cutting ceremony. I never understood the relavance of the cake cutting ceremony, i always thought that it was a Western influence and it's just common practise. I also had this at my wedding without never giving it much thought, until i attended the wedding of my producer and director , Joanna and Shamyl.

The award winning director Bernard Chauly emceed the event. He explained that , the cake cutting ceremony is a very important ritual. It symbolises and marks the first ever tasks that the newly wed had to do together officially. Wow, that' some heavy stuff. Also i think it's an opportunity for the guests to tease the newly who at this point suppose to be a little shy with each other . The emcee will ask them to feed each other some cakes, while the guests cheer on the embarassed bride and groom.

You will find that in some Malay wedding the cake is replaced with pulut kuning or yellow glutinous rice, to give it a local feel.

There's something about this wedding that I have never seen before. Interestingly they have another additional ritual to the ones that i have set above. The newly wed gathers close family and kids and started throwing money and sweets. Everyone when beserk, ya lah free money who don't want.

They also claimed that , they will be throwing away gift vouchers and the latest ipad mini. Kalau macam tu i pun nak mengaku, i ni close family:p.

After all that , the last item on the list is photo opp. Before the guest leaves, the newly wed would usually obliged and return to their throne and take photos.

Tip 1 : if you didn't buy any presents , it is polite and common to prepare an ang pow for the
bride and groom. It will definately help them.

Tip 2 : A malay wedding can easily cost about RM 40 to RM 80K on average , so plan plan plan to avoid spending uneccessarily. I heard Chinese weddings costs more!

For the rest of the guests who's not about ready to make a move , they are more than welcome to stay on and minggle. Weddings like these are also opportunities for family and friends to meet up and catch up .

The reception might end on a high note for everyone , but it's only the begining for the bride and groom. The common saying in Malay is - semoga berkekalan ke anak cucu ( may your marriage last till you become grand parents) , i totallly disagree with this statement. Anything might just happened after that right ? I would prefer the other saying -Semoga berkekalan hingga hujung hayat ( may your wedding last till death do you part).

A Malay wedding is not a simple task, the preparation is really massive, if you ask me - once is enough. :).

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