How are you? I hope it’s not too late to wish you a happy
new year ! May 2014 bring us more luck and happiness. Perhaps this is the year
to make our wishes come true. The last 4
months of my 2013, I was lucky enough to be on maternity leave.
During these period my attention and energy was diverted and
concentrated on my family.
I spent quality time not only with my now 3 months old son
(fully breast feeding – add on to the tired ‘O’ meter) but also my elders
daughter who just turned 3 years old last Christmas. They both require
different sort of attention and this often zaps out mommy’s energy.
With modern technology and ALWAYS ON society that we are, I
did try to “curi-curi” check and reply my work emails and calls. I much prefer
whatsapp cause a couple of times during my telephone conversations, Kefli would
be wailing away in the background and a few times where Kaseh would be
distracting me. I kept apologizing profusely to my caller and request to return
their call when it’s more convenient. Unfortunately there’s never a more
convenient time.
Luckily, it’s not always crazy. Occasionally I do get lucky
where both of them would sleep simultaneously, giving me some room to bathe,
nap and catch up on some reading. Even
though I do have a helper to assist me with my kids, but most often mommy would
be the preferred person they want to hang out with (I am glad). So, during my maternity, my maid was kind of
left doing the other house chores like doing the laundry and cleaning up the
house and I took care of my babies. It
was time well spent and invested on my children.
With the recent ushering of 2014, my maternity leave ended.
I started work on the 2/1/2014, after almost 4 months of maternity leave (2
paid and 2 unpaid).
I am blessed to be kicking off this New Year with a brand
new career and a newborn baby boy. Come Chinese New Year, we will be moving to
a new place (our current place is getting a bit cramp now).
Somehow a new workplace and a newborn doesn’t usually sound
that exciting, new responsibilities at work combine with sleepless night and
nursing? I’ am already tired thinking about it. How does mom divide time for
both?
Well exhausting it may sound, but we mothers, will always
have that extra energy and will power to make that extra effort and pull
everything thru.
I don’t know how we do it, but we just do it.
For centuries, childcare and household responsibilities are
a mother’s playing field. Some fathers do help out, but more on a voluntary
basis, but the core custodian is still the mother. She’ll be the one anchoring,
maneuvering, planning, and executing the household day-to-day operation. COO of
the house.
However, in the past years, women have been entering the
work force as women received better education opportunities and compensation.
So, there’s nothing extraordinary about a mother who works now as compared to
before, where there are less women in occupation.
Nothing extraordinary? We hell, I think it’s amazing that
these women manage to juggle multiple roles and still keep their sanity intact.
As Sheryl Sanberg wrote in her book Lean In –
“Give us a world where half our
homes are run by men, and half our institutions are run by women. I'm pretty
sure that would be a better world.”
In 2014, you might think that the above have materialize but
the truth is the scenario have not much shifted since the days of our moms.
I admit, even thought my husband does a lot more than what my
father used to do for my mom – like bathing, changing, feeding, playing with
our kids and washing the dishes whenever he can, I still wish that he could
help out more with grocery shopping, cooking and spearhead some household
projects like beautifying the garden or remembering when the kids visit to the
doctor should be.
If mothers can contribute their fair share into the
household income, can fathers please take charge of the other half of the
household chores? It’s only fair right?
For any working mother, the support system surrounding her
is extremely vital and it must come from fathers (who else?) and then family
and then friends.
Who will be taking care of the children? Who will ensure
dinner is served on the table? How about the daily house chores like cleaning
up the house and ensuring the dirty clothes are washed? All these are issues
that do not usually effects working
fathers.
My support system may differ from yours but, there’s nothing
unusual about it, as I know some friends who shares similar system. And this
system is very common in Malaysia (I’m not sure how it works in other
countries, but yes I would love to hear from you – please email me).
In Malaysia, there are mainly 4 common supports systems for
working mothers.
1.
Daycare centres
2.
Live in maid
3.
Grandparents
4.
Live in maid plus grandparents
I am once again blessed that both my parents are residing in
KL. It’s becoming rather common these days for senior citizens to be living in
the Klang Valley, simply because they have move to the city to stay with their
children. In my case my parents both from Perak , moved to Kuala Lumpur to seek
better employment opportunities during their younger years and now have
permanently reside in Bandar Utama.
My mother is 66 years old and my father is 71 years old. At
such golden years, I don’t expect them to be running around taking care of my
super energetic kids, I hired a maid and send them off to my parent house
where, they act as supervisors and keep and eye on the maid and my kids.
My elder sister and my younger brother observe the same
system too because their in laws are staying in Johor. They both send their maids to our parent too.
It’s a mini daycare at my mother’s from Monday to Friday
with 6 kids and 4 maids.
We ferry them early in the morning, drop them off at Bandar
Utama and go to work and pick them up after work and usually return home after
Isya’ prayers and dinner. We reach home almost close to 10 pm, just in time for
bed and start the routine all over again at 7 am the next day.
Sounds tiring? Yes it is, but it’s the only system that
gives me that piece of mind at work. Knowing that my children are in safe hands
and grandma and grandpa
Are monitoring and nurturing them with good values, while we
go out there to make ends meet.
I know of a friend whose parent’s houses ten kids and five
maids - three are hers and the rest are her siblings.
My parent has been the backbone and pillar to my support
system. They have given me the best education that they can provide (equal opportunities
given to my brothers too), push me to excel and now take care of my kids so
that my sister and i can Lean In.
Thanks Mak and Abah ! I don’t know if I can do the same for
my children. But I know in order for my daughter to Lean In and rise in her
career, I need to do the same for her. Not only I aspire for her to be in the
workforce but to hold a leadership position in the field of her choice.
I also pray that when her time comes to juggle between a
career and family, we can see a significant shift in roles and major support
from policy makers, society, husbands and companies so that more women can
strive at the work place.
Note :
I am blogging this after getting a chance to read Sheryl
Sanberg – Lean In. My boss, Lina was the one who urged me to read it. She is so inspired by Sheryl’s
experiences and thoughts on how working mothers can strike a
balance – work and family and how women can get ahead in their career. I picked up the book the next day at Borders
Mutiara Damansara.
The views and opinions of the above are solely the views of
the author.
